I need to write. Right now. It's been years since I've blogged, but I feel I need to again.
It has been a whirlwind of a week. This past Monday, May 17th, I was asked to be a wife. For the second time in my life, I became engaged.
This man, Sean, is the man of my dreams. Literally. I have had dreams since I was sixteen years old often involving a tall, faceless man. When I met Sean...this man ceased to exist and Sean was replaced in these dreams, long before we started conversing on a regular basis.
It is real this time. Not just a relationship of convenience; an engagement of expectation. This time, there is no settling. This time, anyone aside from him would be settling.
Sean and I met at work. The first time I heard him say my name, I was hooked. Quite literally - this is when the dreams began. For the first four months of our working relationship, we barely spoke. We'd say hello and goodbye whenever we worked the same shift, but there was nothing more.
Nothing aside from the constant flutter in my stomach every time I caught a glimpse of him, or heard his voice. We started working the same shifts around May of 2009. This meant we often were on break around the same time. It was during this time that we began speaking to each other, mainly because we'd be the only ones around and the awkward silence was deemed worse than the awkward conversation. Believe me - it was awkward.
In July, he left for a month - to California. See...Sean is in the Army Reserves. A military man. The type of man I swore I would never fall for. Ever. The type of man who allowed the government to control his life. The type of man you really could not plan around and who could never put you first. Not at least until his duty had been fulfilled.
He returned in August, and I had started to become interested in another guy, yet I was still. entranced by Sean. I also very fully believed that he barely noticed me.
Amid the awkward, stammering conversations, we began awkwardly flirting. I'm sure outsiders would have watched and laughed at the ridiculousness that was our conversations.
Finally, in mid-September, when it looked like things may be starting between me and this other guy - I made a decision. I had to just tell Sean that I was interested. I needed to be rejected (as I was sure the outcome would be) so that I never wondered "what if?"
We were out on a break, I gave him my number and told him he should use it sometime. He kind of brushed it off and I took that as the rejection I needed. About an hour later, he found me during work and asked me "Do you know why, when we are talking, I sometimes stop the conversation when the flirting goes too far? It's because sometimes, I want to tell you that I want to try things out." When I told him I would be ok with that, his jaw dropped and he walked away. As soon as he got out of work that day - he used my number and we set up a date. We've been together, pretty much attached at the hip, every day since. Both of us expected rejection. Both of us got the opposite.
I knew when I met him, I started working there for a reason.
We knew within 2 weeks of dating that this was it. That we were going to be together in the long run.
Monday, he asked me to marry him. Completely surprised, and joyous.
Today, Saturday May 22nd...he got orders to ship out to Afghanistan for a year.
This week has been a whirlwind.
